Cool Ones

Trouble
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Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an evensterner tone, "Where is God?!"Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "Weare in BIG trouble this time. GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!"

Sales call to the Pope
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The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is ssential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord .................but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news .....The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million.""And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal."Sadly" says the Pope, We would have to lose the Britannia Account!

Dont copy if you cannot paste
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At training program for top management. A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd'sattention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman whowasn't my wife !" > The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decidedto use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms ofa woman who was not my wife!" Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the secondhalf of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can'tremember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time.... Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

Confession of a kid
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Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was makingdinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time totell his mother what he wanted."Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Bobby was a bit of atroublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby'smother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the lastyear. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved thisyear.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike foryour birthday."

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and satdown to write God a letter.

Letter 1:Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bikefor my birthday. I want a red one.Your friend,BobbyBobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very goodboy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2:Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year andI would like a red bike for my birthday.Thank you.Your friend BobbyBobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up theletter and started again.

Letter 3:Dear God,I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like abike for my birthday.BobbyBobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So,Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4:God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. Iwill be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!Thank you,BobbyBobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to gethim a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his momthat he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan hadworked, as Bobb looked very sad."Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. Helooked around to see if anyone wasthere. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down thestreet, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his roomandsat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write hisletter to God.

Letter 5:God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,SEND THE BIKE! !!!!!!!!!

Job Change
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years... "

Perfect Couple
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Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriageanniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a singleconflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.

Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?”

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: “We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said ”This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you ? You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?” . She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.Husband: "That’s it. We are happily married ever after."